Heart-break or heart-make? How to get over a breakup positively|8 Min Read
“There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald
Lying wide awake till the wee hours of morning, thinking where it all went wrong, overthinking, analyzing, smiling wistfully, crying and stocking up on sugary foods. Sound familiar?
Of course, it does. Heartbreak is one of the most devastating and shattering experiences of one’s life. Not only does it make us do questionable things like suddenly chopping off all of our hair, or starting on a path of self-destruction but also takes control of our lucid thoughts. No one likes being left hanging at the altar, figuratively speaking, or having their heart stomped over. It makes you question your being, your decisions, your feelings and every event involved in that messy time of your life.
Our experiences of heartbreak vary, from a teenage heartbreak to one of a serious mature relationship, to one that pushes you off the edge or one that you get over gradually, unscathed. People sometimes experience heartbreak during the very fragile and volatile teen years. Some may experience it later on in their twenties, while involved in even mature and serious relationships. But usually, heartbreak knows no bounds. The feeling similar to getting your hearts ripped out of your chests, shredded by the ‘perpetrators’ or having it then thrown at your feet, as it lies there, bleeding and thumping to the tunes of old music, memories and flames.
As we become aware of our feelings of people surrounding us during our teens, we are juvenilely attracted to a lot of actions that may seem exhilarating and adventurous. But if I may be as bold to assume, teen relationships are all somewhat narcissistic, because somewhere, you’re just looking for someone who will love you as much as you love yourself. We must also understand, that it’s a period of growth, development and numerous changes. Now add to the mix, raging hormones and teenage rebellion. It can catastrophic to be in a relationship as you’re discovering so many things about yourself, and you may also be victim to feelings of physicality rather than an emotionally stable bond. But even if you find yourself amidst a messy breakup, just remember that it is not the end of the world. You may feel alone, directionless and may also find yourself in a never-ending cycle of pain, angst and gloom. But at the end of the rain is a rainbow.
“What you are looking for is already in you. You already are everything you are seeking.”–Thich Nhat Hanh
It is imperative for you to know this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change the course of your life, to focus on the positives and work these feelings into passionate goals. This is a golden opportunity to pick up forgotten hobbies, to discover your strengths and weaknesses and make an effort to tame the turbulent mind. While your mind is plagued with the thoughts of heartbreak, you must remember that good things are on their way. If you feel you have hit rock bottom, know that things will only get better. “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”- John Lennon
You must also remember to free yourself from a painful past. To forgive and open yourself up to healing. Let go and find freedom. Turn the breakup into a positive experience. Many people may harbor resentment, anger, ire or bitterness. But it’s imperative that we know it is equivalent to holding a red-hot iron rod. You will only hurt yourself in the process. Once you learn to forgive, and let go of emotions that weigh on you, you will find the escape that you have been searching for. It is the only way out of the cage you have built around your mind and your thoughts. It will brighten up the path for future relationships. Don’t let the heart that didn’t love you, keep you from the one that will.
Trying to be cheerful and happy after a breakup is no easy feat. No expects you to just up and find the key to a stress-free life or have a smiling face constantly. You can start by accepting your emotions and opening the dam holding them in. Although this doesn’t just mean going through the emotions, you should allow yourself to take a break and breathe, or even treat yourself to self-care. Go out and meet new people, but don’t be in a hurry to jump onto something too soon as it may hurt you and the person involved. People usually detest being someone’s rebound. You should find ways to detox, physically and emotionally.
Taking time out to be with yourself is a good start. Remember that solitude doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness, and it may just be the treatment you’re looking for. But remember not to spiral into a space where you cut-off your near and dear ones who care about you. Another good start is to gradually get rid of objects that may link to any negative thoughts, repressive emotions or anything unhealthily related to the past. A new start is a must and that involves a fresh outlook. You still are your original self, just a little more mature and experienced.
The Time magazine has a lot to say about distractions, a sort of trick that people play to hastily get over the heartbreak. We must remember that it’s not a race, a competition or a comparison. Just like the five fingers are unique, so is every individual. Everyone recuperates at a different pace with the help of different procedures. Hence, taking time out to get in touch with your feelings and thinking about what to do is our best bet. Asking for help is also a great initiative as taking into consideration different views may help in thought processing.
Conclusively, we must know that each happening is a learning experience. It’s always a means of growth and it is up to us to figure out accommodating ways to make the best of situations like these. While there are many do's and don’ts that are prerogative of this healing process, you should know that it is okay to feel what you feel. It is okay to not be okay. But it is not okay to be stuck in a place where you torture yourself with the what-ifs. Heartbreak is a part of life and life goes on. You will meet new people and have new relationships and maybe you will look back on these times and have a light laugh. Until then, love laugh live and let live.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” –Buddha